You might want to put that book away. Bitter ruminations... of a broken mind.
A leather journal that has seen better days.
The summer is finally here. In my adult years it has always meant stagnation, days melting together, daily structure disappearing, time losing all meaning. It has also always been a point of reflection: "Jesus Christ... have I already wasted half a year?". Each year time seems to fly by faster and faster. It's quite terrifying.
I've finally made the wise decision to stay off social media. That contrast of seeing your friends and aquintances living (relatively) normal lives and doing summery things, all the while you are withering away alone in your small apartment, is brutal. My IBS has been flaring for over a week and I haven't dared go outside at all. The first few days of June were surprisingly good in that regard and I made quite a few trips to the nearby mall to buy new houseplants and supplies. The added greenery has definitely improved the aesthetic of the space.
When I've had these rare bursts of energy, I've dedicated them to decorating my home and planning for the upcoming aquarium, something I've been very excited about. Being inside so much, I've gotten obsessed with decorating and continuously scan the apartment for things to improve. I finally got motivation to continue coding my boids simulation and I got quite a few tasks done. And unfortunately, I came up with a ton of new features to implement...
My bachelor's thesis has remained untouched for over a month. I had plans to graduate this spring, but it has become clear that that's not happening. I need to apply for extra time to finish my degree, and I'm stressed about the fact that I have to start in a new curriculum. This means I may need to take new courses, and some of the older ones may become invalid. I don't even want to think about it. Not much I can do about it anyway at this point.